SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH :(

CHI-NA MYE NEXT MONDAY. This girl can faint and die right about....NOW. But then again, i think i can live through my rants first. hehex. This week such a dread. Every week is. Studied my guts out for ss standard test today. Gosh. I won in the gamble. phew. Honestly. If i took the wrong gamble, i rather just die. Now, the next worry thing is Biology SPA on FRIDAY! YUCKS! =X And the whole time i was thinking how to do practical on excretion! like.. yea. If you get what im trying to say. Hahas. It turned out it's all the test nonsense. After that, the next thing to worry is cheena MYE. I wont wonder why my hair would all turn white and drop by next week. pfft.

Here's something really ironic. My mum thinks i can make it to uni in spore as she claims it's harder to get into uni in spore than overseas.BUT, this is what she says
mum : " go poly then uni lah"
me: " huh? why not jc?"
mum: " jc?!?! but it's so boring there!!"

PFFT. tell me about it. Just dont wanna disappoint her. PRESSURE-ED! =X
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HAVE YOU GOT TO BE SO BIAS AGAINST ME?! gessh. I hate you. i really do! You 24/7 biatch
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STUPID Y.O! (:

I threw away my phone
I thought that you should know
I'd throw away my home
If I had somewhere to go
Anything to stop
The circle in my brain
Anything is better than you
Making me feel lame
28 days to get the habit
28 days to let you go
28 days and I'll be on my own
All my life I've been sorry for something
Something gets me now that nothin's such a waste
All this time I've been sayin I'm sorry
But why should I be sorry for all of your mistakes
Why should I be sorry
I've had enough of you
Please forget my name
I'm runnin around on empty
Still tryin to get away
Anything to kill
The consciousness of you
Anything to end myself
Before the thought of you
28 days to get the habit
28 days to let you go
28 days and I'll be on my own
All my life I've been sorry for something
Something gets me now that nothin's such a waste
All this time I've been sayin I'm sorry
But why should I be sorry for all of your mistakes
Now you'll know what it feels like to bite your tongue
Now you'll know what it feels like to be the one
Who walks around with nothin, just stuck
I've been there, and I've done it
And now you'll know what it feels like
To always be afraid
Of everything you wanted to say
Who's sorry now
Who's sorry now
Who's sorry now
28 days to get the habit
28 days to let you go
28 days and I'll be on my own
All my life I've been sorry for something
Something gets me now that nothin's such a waste
All this time I've been sayin I'm sorry
But why should I be sorry for all of your mistakes
All my life I've been sorry for something
Something gets me now that nothin's such a waste
All this time I've been sayin I'm sorry
But why should I be sorry for all of your mistakes
Who's sorry now?

Why does everything you say now make it sound like im such a biatch?Okay okay. tell YOU what. just blame me. For everything. Whatever that is happening.

CAROLINE'S TO BLAME.
How about that?
If that makes you feel any better.
You know, I know you still care a lot for me. But ever thought i just want to be left alone without you now? Ever thought how i would be feeling? Wells, I guess not. Cause all you ever did was always right to you

Dinner and tuition with Y.O yesterday was.. NICE(:
Let's see. Went to macs to eat with Y.O before going tuition. We spent the last 10 mintues there looking at each other and thinking what to eat. It turns out both of us just aint freaking hungry. pfft. So much for dinner. Somemore lim wanted that idiot boy to go tt at 7.15 when mine starts at 7.45 although it's the same tt with the same cher. So we bought a burger to share. Then walked to lim's house. I was greeted by Sharon (lim's little daughter) as " Y.O's ****" oh man. So embarassing! lim was there somemore. LOL. Apparently, no more details of what happened [ Clare and anne knows(: ] HEE.

But i just have to say this to someone at tuition
IF YOU ALREADY HAVE STEAD AND STILL ASK Y.O TO GIVE YOU MY NUMBER, GET A LIFE YOU JERK. I'll just turn you down right in the face if you finally get the balls to ask me! JERK. And besides, Im utterly glad he's on my side. not yours(: As for the other one, omg. please dont let what Y.O think come true! =X I go tt to study!! seriously! not to.. YES. this is getting on my nerves! Sigh Sigh. what did I ever do at tuiton until i seem to make so many 'betrayal's happen? But i've hurt Y.O so much, I really dont want to hear/see him cry because of me no more. And as though it isnt bad enough, the other two of you guys can kindly not fall into a hole as deep as Y.O.PFFT. I dont wanna hurt the both of you two. Please give me a life to live!!

GREAT. oh just so you were wondering, I read what you have to say.
why on earth do you make it sound like it's all my freaking fault? Alrights. And then you'll go telling me it's not. Im just starting to think whether i made the right choice. SO YOU THINK PEOPLE LIKE BREAKUPS? cause you sure make it sound like I love breakups.

YOU'RE SUCH A ... !!!!!!!!!!!
You just cant get my point. I dont think i, anne or clare can ever explain to you why why why this ending. CAUSE YOU DONT GET IT. YOU JUST DONT GET MY POINT. And then now it's like.. im the freaking one who screw this whole shit up. Ive asked people ard if ive made the right decision and to honestly answer me. all i had was yes after yes.Ive made the right decision.then you never let that pass. now, did you?
you think " forget it. we're through" came out so easily from me? I did it for the both of us alrights. you might not see it now, but you'll get it in future. im sure you will. That point of time wasnt as easy as i made it sound like. And im in no position to make Y.O cry for me NO MORE[ HE DOESNT DESERVE ANY OF THIS SHIT IM GIVING HIM. and i was wrong to hurt him so bad cause all i ever thought then was YOU ]
And it's no so much about the incident no more. I give you 3 choices:
1. "you're sick?!?! go home go home. NOW. take cab. whatever. just get home. i pay cab fee if you want. just get home and rest!"
2." girl, get home! i dont think you should come to school 2ml alr. just take care lots and rest well! whatever happens, i can help you "
or
3." you know what? forget it lah" [then you hang up]

Now, does that ring a bell? It's obvious who cares for me the most.Im sorry but it's seriously nothing to do with the incident. But i guess the incident did kept me thinking the whole of VALENTINE'S DAY!

Thank you for letting me see who i meant most to.
Thank you for making me feel im worth nothing more than your plans.

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
Tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it SEEMS like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
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I was your girl
Gave you my world
My everything
But you wouldn´t see
I had your back
I backed you up
Whatever I did
Was never enough
Just you yea
That's all you ever thought about
No one matters like you do
What goes around comes around
You should know by now

Your words dont seem to mean a thing to me now.
AND I WANT TO END THIS RIGHT NOW.
Cause I dont to hurt the other one now

LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE.
Do you have any idea how much more idiotic i feel if you just go to my school, go to my friends, DO EVERYTHING WITHOUT THINKING HOW I WOULD F*KING FEEL!? Please i beg of you. Ive had enough of this fucking shit NOW. Right now at this minute, if it wasnt for Clare,Anne, Val and Y.O who knows really what has been going on, i would really have just committed suicide! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DEAD MY WHOLE LIFE IS NOW?!? no you dont!! YOU FUCKING DONT! Please darling, if you love me, leave me alone now. I beg of you.

Im not going to blog what's been happening cause it's really private. i guess only the 4 of them will know what im saying. Maybe not how im feeling but at least they hugged me till i stopped crying, tell me everything's going to be okay. Last night was just so bad i cried my heart out to sleep. I once thought everything was falling apart. but i only knew the meaning of falling apart last night. And i really want to thank my sister for keeping me close by her side, tell me it's going to be okay. As i watch my mother cry, my father hopeless, my brother's anger, IT'S NO FUCKING WONDER I BREAK DOWN. And im still not over it. This morning, thank you Clare. For just holding on to me so tight at that moment. Just listening to me cry on as i sat on the floor helplessly crying my heart out. Im really glad for those who just tried their best to make me feel better. theresse for her tissue ( although i was alr holding on to 3 packets ), alaine for whispering "dont cry", linette for trying her best to make me laugh, Clare for lending me her shoulders and ears, Y.O for telling me you'll always be there for me. For tellling me you can lose everything but me. Im sorry for hurting you so bad every night yet your love for me doesnt end just then.
THANKS PEOPLE ! For everything if not i wouldnt know if i'll even live through T-O-D-A-Y. And sorry dearest clare if i scared you cause i was crying so bad.

For now, I cant think of anything else but my family matters.
So please please.
If you think you're here to make things better,
PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO THINK TWICE.
Cause I cant hold it any longer.

130207:
Honestly, yesterday was one of the most hilarous and embarrassing tuitions EVER.
Alrights. Starting from school, THAT cher who bitch-fits 24/7, did it again. It's just so effing annonying! Let's see. Most of us didnt do her homework ( or at least i rushed through mine for her. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! ) But guess what! i didnt do it the way she wanted. I did that way, she wanted it another way. F-ER! Then she just started scolding the whole back row people. WHAT THE HECK. Darn annonying. The only reason why i felt she only scolded us was cause we were in the back row. Then the front row people got away with it. WHATEVER LAH CHER! What a turn off.
Then at night, i had tuition(:
Oh trust me. that really made me day! ( believe it or not )
As usual, i was late for tuition. Except this time, it wasnt exactly my fault. Mis-communication. Honest. So instead of reaching at 7.30pm, I left at 7.30pm. Then lucky i got there FASTER than that idiot. Call it bad luck but my teacher saw me and started a conversation about my make up class and yada yada. Then freakishly while talking halfway, that idiot came in walk behind my eng cher and started waving cause i only realised what he meant much later.the idiot is going to reach class earlier. WTH. nvm. By the time i reach class, i could just suan him back lah. And what more? i smsed that idiot, he laughed at his phone, then kena scolded " retarded" . I got blamed somemore man! pfft. After which i felt cold. Cause of the freaking fan blowing so i told that idiot. HA! The idiot waited for the fan to blow away from me then stop it from oscillating so i wont feel cold. Guess what? He got scolded by Jeremy again cause now it's facing Jeremy. Freaking hilarious man! I could tell Jeremy kept staring at the both of us. He freaking doesnt know we know each other can! Then still anyhow say i... yea. Oh gosh. I should skip most of the details! For clare,that idiot and me to know and for the rest of you to never find out(: Hahas.
In short, Thanks for the valentine's day presents. HOW SWEET.
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140207:
Of all the days to fall sick. And i thought this year's valentine's day would be way better. I guess not. It's rather depressing to stare at the chocs and whatnots but cant eat it. Oh well. The best thing that happened today was i got sent out for english. Alrights. this was what happened. I didnt bother to do homework and that freaking woman wanted to go through it. Oh so unlucky me, got called out first to form a lame sentence with " springing up" Dammit. you think i care?!?! At least i tried to look like i was looking for my paper until i gave up and said " i didnt do" then she wanted to sent me to RTC. Lucky she didnt. But i was seriously more than happy to go out of this class. LOL. to think i even said this line right before her class started. So she caught a few others who didnt do. ( p.s im not the only prefect. HA ) Then she told us to finish before we can return to class. i think i said it too loudly
" Are you serious? im like so not coming back" . We actually laughed our way out of class. I was honestly more than glad man. I think i want out even if i did my work. Then we went to the library. We ended up taking revenge from our sentences. Damn it was comical... By history time,my sore throat was really getting to me. So i wanted to go home really bad. Skip the cca. Skip the performance. Then i went to my junior's class and waited for her. lucky i saw Clare. Gosh. Im so so glad she was there. I wouldnt know what i'll do without her!
Cause honestly what YOU said to me really hurt me so bad. For that moment, i really wondered how the hell we ended up together. Honestly, you cant always do this to me and then call me back 5 minutes later to apologise! I have never seen Clare so worried for me, Ive never seen that someone else cared so much for me. AND of all the people that should really matter the most was you. You just freaking pressed the " end call" button immediately after saying bye then let me hear the dead line.You made it sound like i planned to fall sick on Valentine's Day. You made it sound like all you wanted to do was get all the plans done and over with whether or not i live through today. And because of you, Ive hurt someone else so so badly. I honestly didnt wonder why. Whatever it is, Just wanted to thank the two of you. Whereas for YOU, im speechless.
Nevertheless, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY FOR THE REST OF THE PEOPLE. Im sure you guys had it better than i did.

Caroline sure do know the meaning of SCREWED .
4/7 Bimbotic girls are afraid of paper. Yes. Those made from trees.
Im skipping all the details.
Dont think it's hard to guess why.

When the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping(: