LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE.
Do you have any idea how much more idiotic i feel if you just go to my school, go to my friends, DO EVERYTHING WITHOUT THINKING HOW I WOULD F*KING FEEL!? Please i beg of you. Ive had enough of this fucking shit NOW. Right now at this minute, if it wasnt for Clare,Anne, Val and Y.O who knows really what has been going on, i would really have just committed suicide! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DEAD MY WHOLE LIFE IS NOW?!? no you dont!! YOU FUCKING DONT! Please darling, if you love me, leave me alone now. I beg of you.
Im not going to blog what's been happening cause it's really private. i guess only the 4 of them will know what im saying. Maybe not how im feeling but at least they hugged me till i stopped crying, tell me everything's going to be okay. Last night was just so bad i cried my heart out to sleep. I once thought everything was falling apart. but i only knew the meaning of falling apart last night. And i really want to thank my sister for keeping me close by her side, tell me it's going to be okay. As i watch my mother cry, my father hopeless, my brother's anger, IT'S NO FUCKING WONDER I BREAK DOWN. And im still not over it. This morning, thank you Clare. For just holding on to me so tight at that moment. Just listening to me cry on as i sat on the floor helplessly crying my heart out. Im really glad for those who just tried their best to make me feel better. theresse for her tissue ( although i was alr holding on to 3 packets ), alaine for whispering "dont cry", linette for trying her best to make me laugh, Clare for lending me her shoulders and ears, Y.O for telling me you'll always be there for me. For tellling me you can lose everything but me. Im sorry for hurting you so bad every night yet your love for me doesnt end just then.
THANKS PEOPLE ! For everything if not i wouldnt know if i'll even live through T-O-D-A-Y. And sorry dearest clare if i scared you cause i was crying so bad.
For now, I cant think of anything else but my family matters.
So please please.
If you think you're here to make things better,
PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO THINK TWICE.
Cause I cant hold it any longer.