oh gosh. I dont think today can get any worse. Really.
This morning, I retie my hair and that damn hair tying thingy fell dont know god knows where! i spent a good 5 minutes just searching for it in the car. Then when i found it, my father's car jerked and my PHONE fell under the driver seat. A $476 5-day-old phone drop you tell me heart pain a not. Then went to classroom for assembly. and since this morning, Y.O have been messaging me. fucking unreasonable jerk!! Dont even understand two words "get lost". Sorry but if you keep on giving me empty promises, jumping into conclusions about me, and doubting me, this is as much as you're going to ever get from me. And THEN they said go festival court. so went all the way down again. check class then went to look for a empty toilet so clare and i can check our phone. Clare stood up for me to Y.O and now he's putting the blame on me. Still threaten want to go police station leh. WA LAO! you give this kind of retarded story to the police i think their first is to stare at you and then... laugh. but couldnt find a damn empty toilet. After that, went to class for chinese. My headache started again. And i got like on and off stomach ache. After that, went to hall to check papers. Oh my. This is like my first time crying over result. And i hate myself for that.
Let's see. Chinese prelims result. Of all the times to not do well. I didnt do well NOW. Just managed to get an A2. Sigh. Then came amaths. I almost cried when i counted and i got A2. But then rachel pointed out to me i must have calculated wrongly. And yea. She was right. So i got an A1. The top of the level had 83 and i had 82. At least that's a good sigh. Motivates me to strive harder for amaths. Then it was recess. I bought milo, sat at the back of the canteen with clare. Then, again we saw the vp and some VIP people who seem to find it amusing looking around our school or sth. Apparently, i dont think we're allowed to sit there although it's duty-time for us. That didnt really bother me except the part where they were really walking SSOOOO SLOWWLLYYY. Recess over went up. Then emaths. 12 effing careless mistake marks i totally let it commit suicide! but still managed an A1. yes. i cried because i couldnt believe i was so careless. But kinda stopped when mitch gave me a hug. MITCH GAVE A HUG! ugh. what a once in a life time experience(haha). After that we got our chem. Oh my god. Then i totally just burst out. I was like super bumped over the grade. B3! Honestly, it's like the most depressing thing EVER. After that was physics. And i got a B4. I guess i should just shut up because i never intended to pass in the first place. And biology, C6. dont really care. when it came to combine humanities, i totally just couldnt cry anymore. C6. Social studies was SUCH a ridiculous jump. From A1 to C6! what the hell! gave up lah. val got scared because she insist i was holding back my emotions which was kinda true. Just that.. i dont know. I just really thank her for being there. I mean, she herself didnt score well but she still comfort me like it was her duty or something. And i said comforting words to linette. Which later i asked myself why didnt i tell that to myself. It's so easy to tell it to everyone but yourself. All i knew inside was i just kept scolding myself for the lousy grades. And i realised. So many people face pressure from their mum or dad. and I asked myself who was giving me pressure. The answer i found was myself. My own self. You know if one day i die, i'll probably be the murderer and the victim. Maybe mitch is right. I'm trying to be a perfectionist without knowing it. I guess i disappointed no one but myself. And i think it's the biggest disappointment ever. Maybe i just expected too much from myself.

more hope, more disappointments.
ahh. screw this. really. Now, god knows why my other ear is infected. And hopefully it doesnt affect me for my chinese "O" level. It's just so very important.
BUCK UP CAROLINE!